Manual Lo sterminio del male (Biblioteca dellanima) (Italian Edition)

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dell'anima

If it were to assume violent forms, she would quickly die and my experiment would be finished. My heart beat wildly! But not yet for my mother. Now my exposition becomes even more inchoate than before. I was struck by the same symptoms: an agitation that took my breath away and, in my ear, outbursts which seemed like they were smashing my eardrum.


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Afraid of losing my senses, I had to abandon my mother. I crept away on tip-toes. Before closing the door behind me, I checked to make sure mother was not aware I had left. Se questa avesse assunte delle forme violente, essa avrebbe preceduto di poco la morte e la mia esperienza sarebbe stata finita.

Mi batteva il cuore! Ma non ancora per mia madre.


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  • Dovetti ab- bandonare mia madre temendo di perdere i sensi. Uscii sulle punte dei piedi. Corsi al mio letto. Tanto ero intento a studiare la cosa importante che in me avveniva. Ma non perdetti i sensi. Subito dopo mi sentii pervaso da un dolce tepore e godetti di un benessere intenso, inaspettato. Ora lo capivo dal fatto che io entravo in una conva- lescenza rapida quasi violenta.

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    Mi fermai in seguito ad un vivo dolore al pollice della mano destra. Andai alla finestra per veder meglio e capire come una tale piccola ferita potesse dolere tanto intensamente. Osservai subito che per essere stata fatta la sera in- nanzi, la ferita era arrossata pochissimo. Trovai ancora confitta in essa una piccola scheggia di vetro che levai. I was so intent on studying the crucial event happening within me. I was sweating like after a hot bath and the agitation became less violent.

    Immediately thereafter, a gentle warmth and an intense, unexpected feeling of well-being permeated through me. Up until now I had not told myself that the state the Annina put me in was the same as with a disease. Now I understood that it was, because I entered into an almost violent convalescence. I felt a strong action in my head, a reparative action which I thought must resemble the cleansing process that happens during mild forms of a cerebral hemorrhage.

    Well then, had I injected a new disease into my mother? I remembered mother and her near-demise, and I forgot about the Annina for a moment. I started crying and sob- bing like a baby. The sudden pain was so sharp that the outburst of tears and sobs was not consoling, and I thrashed amok on that bed. After a sharp pain on my right-hand thumb, I stopped. The wound from the shards of the smashed thermometer the night before was the cause. I went to the window to get a better look and to understand how such a small wound could hurt so intensely. I immediately saw that the wound was not very red even though it had happened the night before.

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    I found a small shard of glass still lodged inside, which I removed. I could verify that from the time I had felt the pain, some metamorphosis must have taken place in the wound. And this metamorphosis still continued before my own eyes. It was evident!


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      All of a sudden, that excess of life I wanted to eliminate proved to be necessary. Rather, it was wasted until an extraordinary job of reparation was necessary, but when it was necessary, it threatened only danger: that that excess of life proved insufficient. I wept like a baby, I wept for my discovery and for my mother. Era evidente! Ne fui schiacciato! Piansi come un bambino, piansi per la mia scoperta e per mia madre.

      Ritornai a mia madre dopo di essermi ricomposto quanto potevo. Mi sedetti accanto al suo letto, presi una sua mano nelle mie e lungamente la baciai. Con un piccolo movimento brusco e sdegnoso mia madre sot- trasse la sua mano ai miei baci: — Mi secchi! Trasalii ferito. Provai un avvilimento e un dolore che mi fecero gemere. In risposta essa non ebbe che dei segni di fastidio. Le restai accanto fino alla sera. I was slightly dazed, like a drunk, rather like one who had been poisoned with Menghi Alcohol. My brain was much less lucid than when I was under the full effect of Menghi Alcohol, so much so that when I found mother still pale but tranquil, in absolute rest, my hope was restored.

      There was no trace of suffering on her face. I sat down next to her bed, I took one of her hands and kissed it longingly. With a small, abrupt, and disdainful movement my mother removed her hand from my kisses. I was startled, hurt. The discouragement and pain made me groan. And what if she were to die before being able to free herself from my poison and without leaving me a final, gentle word?

      In my state of semi- intoxication I thought I could win over her indifference by inun- dating her face with kisses and tears. In response, she only seemed annoyed. In the end, despite her weak voice, she managed enough to utter a threat. I stopped fearing the violence which would im- mediately kill her. I stayed next to her until nightfall.

      Her torpidity never ceased. Her eyes opened slowly from time to time; she would stare into the emptiness or at some corner of the room and shut them again.

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      My God! I was concerned. And what if the Annina were to cause her pain in her current state? I had a mild attack. Mild, very mild.